allaroundme14

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 05:10:37 GMT

didn't eat at all yesterday except for popcorn. a tiny bit too.
and not at all today except for 1/4 of a cup of spinach.

yeah. then i had a 700 calorie binge.
my bones hurt and i cant breathe.

Wed, 03 Dec 2008 06:05:46 GMT

WOW.
last night/today?:
panera.
tons of beer.
dennys.
taco bell.
cookie.
fruit rollup.

fuck.
tomorrow= liquid fast no matter whattt.

Mon, 01 Dec 2008 07:35:06 GMT

well, after a nachos bell grande with no beef...

one cookie.
1/2 can soup.
1/2 veggie burger.
i had a tall nonfat white mocha earlier too.

i did so horrible today, but hoenstly it motivates me to do better tomorrow.
i think i might be going out with my friends though, so if i do i will only get a salad with soup wherever we go, which im sure will end up being a lot of calories, but at least its a smaller amount than a whole meal. plus, itll look like im eating a normal dinner.

from then on, green tea every day, two latte's at the most, one meal (chug water before), water all day long, and only up to 200 calories in food (not including drinks)

i need to get back on track and i realized completely restricting isnt going to help do that.

Sun, 30 Nov 2008 04:17:14 GMT

thanksgiving- lets just not talk about it.

day after- liquid cleanse.
today- liquid cleanse until that nachos bell grande.

still better than usual, considering thats all i ate.
it feels good to be back on track.

i hate my fucking life.
CW: 113.2

finally

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 17:42:38 GMT

finally, i did a MUCH better job yesterday!
all i ate were nuts and a few banana chips.
i also had a small latte, but i think i did generally pretty good compared to how i have been doing!

weight this morning: 112.4

i'm working all day today so i probably won't eat anything which is great!
i'm just worried that when i get home i'll stuff my fat face.
wish me luck for today =/
i will post tonight.

HEY, OBESE WHALE!

Sat, 22 Nov 2008 08:49:30 GMT

WHAT THE HELL IS MY PROBLEM?!!?

nachos bell grande (no meat).
like 129389123123 calories worth of this damn brownie cookie thing.

what a fucking fatass.
i've been binging for the past like week!
i can't standddd it =[
i need thinspiration.

i hate everything right now. i HATE my body, i'm so bored with life, i don't know if i have a job and even if i do i don't know if i want it because i'm so damn sick of it. i'm never going to meet a guy, and i don't think my friends coming home from college even want to see me 1/4th as bad as i want to see them.

=( idk anymore.

i'm worthless.

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 09:55:10 GMT

grande white mocha.
3 hour work out.
2 chik'n burgers. (80 cals each)
1/4 cup of raisins.
TWO fucking white hot chocolates.
1 special k bar.

i'm a fuck up.

WOW.

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 20:10:35 GMT

what a TERRIBLE day yesterday.
i slept in too late and didn't go to work, so i'm probably fired,
even if i am fired my mom's not letting me go to college because she doesn't believe that i'll actually go, and i ate SO much food it's disgusting. i don't even want to write it, but i guess i will anyway:

sampler of gnoccies
two bowls of ice cream
1/2 basket of french fries
3 hot chocolates.

yeah. sick. its so hard after you binge one day cause then you don't stop for like a week.
i'm going nowhere in life, except fatttter and fattter.

=[

today's intake, then bed.

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 05:35:37 GMT

today was just a terribleeee day.

i had two hot chocolates, equalling up to 990 calories together =(
then i had a veggie burger and a chik'n burger with salsa- 200 cals total.
then, of course, i had to go and binge.
3 mini bagels (with strawberry cream cheese)- 600 cals.
some pretzels- prolly like 100.

concluding: 1890 calories.
SICK! after doing 500 for a while, that is jsut disgusting!!!!
at least half of it is from drinks though, which is gross but kinda makes me feel like nto such a fat pig.

tomorrow is a new day.
here's my plan:
breakfast: 1/2 cup of cheerios (50 cals)
lunch: 1/2 cup of cheerios (50 cals)
dinner: 200 cals of whatever i have (200 cals)
snack: two latte's throughout the day (up to 300 cals)

hopefully between 500 and 600 calories.
its going to be hard though if i'm with friends. =/

change of insight

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 04:02:51 GMT

lately i've been feeling absolutely disgusting. i'm disgusted with myself, i feel fat, i feel SO UGLY, and i literally have not had one ounce of confidence in the past year. i honestly think it is all because of this life ruining asshole. guys used to hit on me and stuff all the time, and i didn't even care, but now i have no one ever talking to me and i hardly have any friends, and i truly believe it's because i have no confidence.

ugly girls always get hot guys and i'm finally realizing why.
they're confident! they act like they have confidence and that's what guys like, that's what PEOPLE like.
if i were a guy or if i was another person, i wouldn't wanna be around me!

so tomorrow starts a new beginning:
no matter how upset i get, i'm going to be confident.
i'm going to smile and be happy and if someone pisses me off, i'm going to just laugh it off like i am better than them.

i just hope i can stick with this.
prayingggg to God that i can!

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 00:24:14 GMT

i am so SICK OF EVERYTHING!
it seems liek nothing i do will ever be good enough.
like i'm just flat out worthless or something.

i drank a damn hot chocolate from starbucks today that had 600 calories in it itself.
now i just ate 200 calories worth of food for dinner, because i know that if i don't eat at all i will bloat twice as much.
i feel absolutely obeeeese.

i really want a boyfriend, i mean i'm almost 20 years old and it's only been ohh i dont know FOUR years since i've had a real boyfriend? (i had one other, but a woman beating immature life ruining piece of crap doesn't exactly qualify as a "boyfriend" in my book anymore.) but guys don't even look at me anymore. i don't know what it is, i'm just hideous these days.

i'm so scared that i'm gonna end up taking in more caloriesssss.
=[ blahhhh, not happy right now.